To be perfectly honest, the last three years have hurt. Constant medical issues; pain both physical and emotional; horrible fatigue; weight gain; wound vacs for months on end (numerous times); mid lines; picc lines; a port; daily iv medications; medical debt; and awful bouts of depression that I mostly tried to fake my way through. My oldest son and daughter-in-love were hurting as they fiercely battled infertility; my mama was killed in a house fire; and my grammaw very nearly died too. I’ve been sidelined for so many things. I’ve felt like such a burden to so many. I’ve worried that I wasn’t pulling my weight at home, at work, at church, or even just life in general.

There have been times that I just wanted to cry out to God and ask, “Why me?” Each time I would feel that way, the Holy Spirit would whisper, “Why not you?” and oddly, I would take comfort in that. It is because of the trials and the suffering and the losses that I’m able to tell you something marvelous.  It is because of His great love for me and mine that He has allowed some of the things that have happened in my life.  That is the “Why me?” that I selfishly asked.

He has always been good to me no matter if I were with Him on the mountain tops or even clinging desperately to Him while in the darkest valleys. From the time I was a child, I have felt the Lord’s presence in my life. He put strong Christians around me to help point me in the right direction. He saved me when I was twelve. Even though I did not make the best choices at times, and even though some of the paths I took were nowhere even close to His way – He still loved me… in spite of me. He still loves me today – every day, all day.

Now, this isn’t a Poor Kimberly blog post… I’m not writing this to make anyone feel sorry for me. What I am actually doing is asking you to rejoice with me for the work He has been doing in my life. You see, God uses every single bit of our sufferings. He doesn’t waste one little piece. Everything He allows, is for His ultimate glory and my good. Once you can get your mind around that, life becomes so much easier.

When I nearly miscarried Phillip… He drew me closer and gave me a testimony.

When Justin was burned…. He showed me the power of prayer and deepened my faith.

When evil came against our youngest two boys… He protected them and kept our family united.

When we were hit by a tornado…. He preserved our lives and restored our possessions.

When I lost my brother… He held me near and gave me the strength.

When Brandon and I married and began our life together as a family with our boys… He guided us and provided for us.

When I’ve been sick… He surrounded me with praying friends and family and showed me the immense love of my church family.

When my mama was killed… He carried me through the responsibilities and the gut wrenching hurt that I had over our relationship.

I could go on and on and on.  People speak of giving your testimony. Sometimes, I think that we are prone to think that means share the one time the Lord Jesus saved you, and certainly that needs to be shared. But, what I have learned is that God is constantly building and creating new testimonies in my life. I have seen Him move mountains, and I have felt His arms of comfort around me. I have felt Him lead me, and I have felt Him pick me up and carry me. I have even felt (and thank Him for) His loving correction when I do wrong.

As unworthy of salvation as I was, He knew me and He loved me so much that He gave His Son for me. The Lord Jesus, who committed no sin of any sort, willingly took my sin upon Himself as well as the world’s most vile sins so that the “whosoever” of John 3:16 would believe on Him and be saved. That far overshadows any suffering and hurts that I go through.

I have studied Job. I feel a kinship with him, though, praise God, I have not known loss in the magnitude that he did. He never cursed God – despite the counsel of others. He was given a glimpse of the Savior and the assurance of seeing Him face to face. Though he questioned… he praised revered, and respected the Lord God. What a solid testimony to others he must have been during his suffering and then also as he was restored.

I don’t know how people who do not trust Jesus as their Savior get through the trials of life. There is a song that asks, “where could I go but to the Lord.” I have had many times, that there was no doubt only the Lord could lift me out of the abyss. It makes me wonder – who do they go to? What do they count on? Do they have deep abiding joy in their hearts, or only the simple emotion of happy from time to time? When they are alone, how are they comforted? When they hit rock bottom what do they count on?

For Christians, we have the Word of God as our guidance. We have so many promises that spring off the pages of the Bible to us as we face life. We are assured, encouraged, comforted, guided, and emboldened by the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives, prayer, our relationship with Jesus, and the Word of God. The Lord never leaves us nor forsakes us. He is close to the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in spirit. The joy that He plants deep inside of us is our strength. He is truth. He is light. He is life. He has overcome this wicked world and conquered death and hell for those who call on Him and trust Him as their Lord and Savior.  

I have many testimonies of which I intend to share in the coming months. The Lord has been very busy working on me, and He won’t be through with me until I’m in Glory with Him. If you have prayer needs that you would like to share with me, let me know and I’d be honored to pray for you. If you are backslidden, all you have to do is repent and come home. He loves you that much. I promise you, no matter who you are… no matter what you have done or not done… no matter how old you are or how young you are… there is no storm in your life that He cannot control.  There is no tragedy, no addiction, no loss, and no trauma that He cannot handle. If you are lost and without the Lord Jesus as your Savior… Good news! Today, is the day of salvation. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. There is no better place to rest that in the strong and loving arms of our Savior. 

PS…. I have a huge praise to the Lord for answering the earnest prayers of our family and our many friends and our church family. The Lord blessed our Emily and Justin with a brand-new baby two weeks ago… one chosen just for them. Blessed be the Name of the Lord. I will tell his story soon – Just know that with God all things are possible.